Trying to Change

Those of you who know me well know that I'm pretty particular when it comes to my kids and their appearance.  I'm not referring to them having to be dressed in expensive name brand clothing and the like.  In fact, most of their clothes are hand-me-downs.  But I'm of the opinion that kids look SO much cuter when their hair is combed,  when their faces are clean, and when their clothes match and aren't stained.  My sisters are the same way, so is my mom, and I learned recently that so was my mom's mother.  It's kind of ingrained in me.

Admittedly, I tend to feel that the way my kids look is somehow a reflection of whether or not I'm a good mother.  After all, who else's responsibility is it to make sure children don't look like orphans but a mother's?  To illustrate, just after the baby was born, we weren't able to get to Emily's hair before we needed to get to the bus.  I had to let her go to school without even running a brush through it.  And you know what?  It bothered me all day when I thought about it.  Furthermore, with all the attention we get in public for our three red heads, I put even more pressure on myself to make sure they look presentable.  It must seem kind of silly and even prideful, but that's what my mentality is.

As a result, I typically try to make sure my kids' clothes stay clean by diligently putting bibs on my kids at every meal and meticulously pre-spotting their clothes before washing them.  I almost always make sure their faces and hands are scrupulously wiped clean after they eat, and that their hair is combed before we go somewhere.

Well, since the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Emily has many things about which she is particular.  Sometimes so particular that it is tremendously exasperating.  Her hair and clothes are two of those things.  She's got a myriad of clothes in her closet, but she refuses to wear a vast majority because "they don't feel good".  She's has long, thick, beautiful hair that we could do all sorts of neat things with, but I swear at any given time, there is one and only one hair style that is acceptable  And it changes every so often, it's hard to know what will set her off.  She has her very specific vision and I have my vision, and thus the conflit ensues.  Last school year there were many a morning where we didn't see eye to eye, and, in spite of my giving her choices and exerting my utmost patience and trying to compromise, it would get ugly.  Tears, tantrums, raised voices, frustration, etc.  You get the idea.  Not good, even though we've tried all different ways to go about it: taking turns choosing, only me choosing, and even bribery. 

I only give all this background and make these "confessions" so you can appreciate that what happened this morning is a huge deal for me.

EMILY DID HER OWN HAIR AND I LET HER GO TO SCHOOL WITHOUT FIXING IT.

It was SO, SO, SO difficult for me to hold my tongue, and yes, even lie when she asked how it looked.  You can imagine the lumps, the whispies, and the hair sticking out all over the place.  It looked terrible.  But I let it go, as I'm trying to do more and more often since last spring.  Yes, I'm trying to change, even though progress is slow.

What I fear will happen is now that I let her do it on her own one time, she's going to refuse to ever let me do it again.  I don't think I'm ready to give up the hair battle completely yet, just find a happy medium. 

Is that even possible??